after years of relentless thought-abuse, I tried to shut them out. I built a wall, and they had to destroy it. they gave me no alternative but facing the truth, and I figured if they were at least that reasonable, the truth could actually speak more in my defence than the lie, though it will not shield me as well against extreme forms of brutality. so I tried that, and they had to destroy that too. when you are living around these hollow idiots, everything stops to have any meaning.